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Coming out of a divorce, much of the focus tends to be on the woman and how difficult this life transition is for her.

Though she definitely bears the brunt of it in some ways, men have a lot to contend with in terms of figuring out how to avoid these common mistakes moving forward.

Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there. She doesn’t have to stay with you, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of you. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of you that is asking to be healed. (Okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love.

Going out at this stage in life has just seemed damned odd to me.

But then it's my temperament to go with things that seem natural and unforced.

Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards. Don’t worry about money Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

I honestly don't have stats on this, but my impression is it becomes more common with age.

It is out of that mindset and the lessons that we learn in life that men can gather some common and helpful tips for others who can hopefully avoid the same path.

Divorced men are often a great source of useful information for they see what happened, where they went wrong, and how the relationship broke down.

But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes. Be fully transparent If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… MEN – THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER.

After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had: 1. When you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.) 15. Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be. Never stop growing together The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.




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