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I could deeply relate to her realization that she wanted to be missed.

It was particularly devastating to me when I realized that I wasn’t missed.

“We’re perpetually fed a line that we’re looking for love in a market that doesn’t value us,” says Marina Adshade, an economics professor in Canada and author of . However, with the gray divorce boom, there are a lot more older people available than ever before.

That said, the dating market for older singles isn’t all that easy. There just aren’t that many available singles our age and the ones who are available are an interesting lot (read Anne Lamott’s funny take of her year on to understand).

"Relationship expert Jon Gottman found in his research that in everyday life, happy couples have 20 positive moments — a shared look, compliment, or affectionate touch, for example — to every negative moment," says Wilk.

I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing.

"One of the things we see with happy couples is that they know their partner's differences, and have pretty much stopped trying to change the other person," says Darren Wilk, a certified Gottman Couples Therapist with a private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia.

"Rather than trying to fight their partner's personality style, they instead focus on each other's strengths." Whether you want him to unload the dishwasher more often or pay closer attention to the kids, your partner will be more likely to change his behavior if he feels like he'll get relationship brownie points. Present it like 'here is the recipe for what will make me happy,' because everyone wants to make their partner feel happy," says Wilk.

In a talk before boomers (you can watch it below), Adshade says older women really aren’t disadvantaged on the dating market.

I know this because I cried, you left behind a broken heart and happy memories too…

This time of year is particularly difficult for survivors of dysfunctional family dynamics and abusive relationships.

Because men have shorter lifespans, many older men are interested in having a potential caregiver or a “nurse with a purse.” They tend to marry quicker than older women, but it isn’t because older women can’t find a hubby; it’s because women are more likely to be looking for a short-term relationship or a companion, not a husband.

That isn’t true for my three girlfriends, but it’s true for me.




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